It’s what we all think about when picturing our life and how it pans out, right? Whether we want them or not. How many of them we want. What gender we want. If we want to have twins, adopt, or maybe foster. At some point or another, it crosses your mind. Some [like me] dream about becoming a mom. It’s what I’ve always wanted to be. God listened and answered my prayers. Although the road was a little bumpy at times, I got my babies & I couldn’t be happier.
But why stop?
My husband and I always wanted to have two babies. A boy & a girl. We actually wanted our boy first, but they got flip-flopped. And that’s okay! But there’s always that thought in the back of your mind- “What if we had one more?” Believe me, I thought about it. Hard. Our babies were born so close together, both such a blessing but so unexpected. Not at all how we had “planned”. The newborn phases came and went. Never again will we get to experience that. I had a hard time with that part. That “new mom” feeling won’t ever be felt again. But I’m okay with that. And here’s why…
Pregnancy was NOT my friend
Both of my pregnancies came with complications. The second more than the first. You can read more about that here. I feel like my doctor’s always had something that wasn’t going “right” every time I went to an appointment. I wasn’t gaining enough weight, my fluid was low, the baby was measuring small. And then with Noah I had some more extreme complications like premature rupture of membranes [water broke early], decreased fetal movement, and infection. It was just a lot & really rough on my body. I also had an annoying, constant morning sickness. Especially the first time around. Round ligament pain. Acne. Dry skin. Just the works, y’all. Don’t get me wrong, it was all SO worth it. Some women love being pregnant. Me, not so much. I feel bad saying that out loud sometimes, but it was just a little miserable for me. A miserable blessing.
We can focus on the children we have
This is not to say that we didn’t focus on our kiddos before we made this decision. But like I said before, you always wonder “what if?” Now that we’ve made this decision for our family, we know that these babies we have are it for us. They are the one and only’s. I cherish every single second with them. Every single chaotic & playful second. It makes you appreciate the time you have with them because you KNOW it won’t happen again. We won’t experience these toddler years again with another child, so we soak it all up every chance we get.
This was the day we brought Noah home from the hospital after 3 months in the NICU
I know people say that you shouldn’t let fear hold you back from doing anything. But in our case, I think it’s a legitimate reason. Our experience with Noah was the scariest thing I have ever gone through. I know our family went through it for a reason & it truly made me a stronger person and momma, but I don’t want to go through that again. Who knows, circumstances may be different if I were to get pregnant again. I just don’t want to chance it. The thing is, I know families who have gone through something similar to us, even something harder, & they have had more children that are completely healthy. But the thing with me is that I’m such a “worry wart” as my husband so graciously puts it. I stress when I know I shouldn’t. For the healthy of myself, my family, & that beautiful hypothetical baby- it’s the right decision for us.
The biggest reason. God has blessed us with what we’ve always wanted and dreamed of. Our boy & our girl. How could you ask for more? He is always looking out for us. I’ll tell you the moment I knew I was done having kids. It was just a simple moment that happens everyday. It was the weekend. My husband was home. We had just cleaned up after eating breakfast and were just sitting watching some Sunday morning cartoons. I was on the love seat & I look over to see the kids cuddling with their daddy. Just the three of them. No idea they were creating a moment I will never forget. I knew in that moment God was telling me that this was enough for me. These three humans are my world. My heart will always hold that moment dear.
We made this decision at 25 years old & it was a big one to make. At times we weren’t sure & we talked a lot about it. But after I had that little moment with God & thinking about all of these things, I am peace with the decision we made. We may seem young to a lot, but we have been through so much with our two little ones. Isn’t it funny how you focus on raising your children and watching them grow, all the while they are doing the same to with without either of you ever really knowing it? Life is beautiful!
As always, God bless †