Aside from marrying the person of her dreams, almost every woman fantasizes and looks forward to the day they get to carry & give birth to their very own baby. It’s a scary thing, but it’s something all of us women think about. And most of us dream and pray about. Ever since I became a big sister when I was 5 years old, I knew I wanted to be a momma.
When you picture “the scene” of yourself giving birth what do you see? I know for me I pictured me laying in a hospital bed, legs up, doctor down below telling me it’s time to push. My husband is up by my head coaching me and encouraging me every step of the way. Our few closest family members in the room [our moms and my sisters-my SIL included :)]. I would’ve tried going all natural but don’t know if I would’ve lasted. And then it happens. I help pull my baby out. My hubby cuts the cord and our baby was born and here on this earth. Everyone watching and crying with happiness as they witness this miracle of life. So perfect, right? It was my “perfect” scenario. I had watched two of my cousins give birth and that’s how they went. It was so amazing to watch and be apart of. I couldn’t wait to be on the other side of it.
But that’s not how it all happened. My first pregnancy was fairly un-complicated. I was considered “high-risk” about halfway through because my amniotic fluid was measuring low.
I went in about 1-2 times a week after that to get it checked. Hoping it didn’t get too low to the point of the doctors having to deliver her. One morning I began to have small contractions. My fluid was still okay and I was about 38 weeks on the dot. I was considered full-term at this point and was safe to deliver at any time. Due to the fact that she was breech, they decided to admit me and scheduled my c-section. She had been breech for weeks now and never flipped. For those of you who may not know, the term “breech” basically means that the baby’s feet are pointed down instead of the head. Head down is the ideal position for a smooth vaginal delivery. Considering the fact that I’m just a petite person, my doctor did not recommend a vaginal delivery.
Not gonna lie- I was crushed.
I had always pictured things going a certain way and all of the sudden everything changed. And I was terrified. Surgery scared me. Especially being awake during a surgery. I wasn’t going to be able to help pull my baby out. I was so upset that wouldn’t get to hold my girl right after she was born [which I was only half wrong about]. I just felt cheated out of the whole experience.
I just want to quickly note that I might be smiling in all of these pictures but I was so hangry and extremely thirsty. I wasn’t able to eat for almost 24 hours because homegirl decided it was time to come out! Not even ice chips y’all! It was rough.
The surgery overall went very smoothly. The only part that really blew was getting the epidural. They had to poke me with that 50 foot long needle like 3 times because I kept tensing up when they tried to numb me. If you will soon go through this surgery the best advice I can give you is to TRY and relax. It’s extremely hard [I know], but it will go by so much faster if you just take a few deep, long breaths when they do this. Focus on your breathing, not the pain. So much easier said than done, but once I was able to relax, it was over and I couldn’t feel the bottom half of my body [which is a good thing]. The rest of the surgery went by super fast & without any complications. I got to see my girl for a few short seconds. Enough to take a picture with her, before they took her away. She wasn’t breathing when she came out and was turning a purple color. The doctors and nurses were able to get her breathing and everything was smooth sailing after that.
I’m gonna jump ahead a bit to my second pregnancy…now this c-section was expected. I had already had the surgery before and the risks of having a vaginal delivery after c-section were a little TOO risky for me, so I was more accepting to the surgery the second go-round. But this pregnancy was extremely complicated and scary. You can read about it more in detail on my little man’s inspiring NICU story. Long story short, I got pregnant while I had an IUD in place. My water broke when I was 27 weeks and I carried my son to 29 weeks when an infection in my body forced me to deliver him immediately.
That was super shortened, but you can see it was very stressful and much different than my first surgery. I was having serious and painful contractions this time. Whereas the first time, I never even went into active labor. I’m not kidding about the painful contractions. They were intense. The numbing part of the surgery went by much faster this time and only took the doctors once to get it injected. To top it off, ya know as if the surgery isn’t enough, they had to search for my IUD after they delivered my son. So I stayed in surgery for another hour while they looked for this darn thing! Which sucked because all I could think about was my son. Who was being rushed into the NICU. I only got to see him for a couple seconds, if that. I couldn’t hold him or touch him because your arms have to be strapped down so you’re not tempted to touch what the doctors are cutting open. That’s the best way I can describe it- it just sucked.
What makes me sad is that because my second was an emergency c-section, we didn’t get to capture any “happy” moments before he was born. And there wasn’t any time to take a family picture immediately after he was born. He had to be rushed to the NICU as soon as possible. But here’s the first picture I got with my little warrior…
So now kind of going back and tying my experiences together, I have a huge take-away from it all….
My little tummy smile 🙂
I look at it everyday and remember what I went through. The weeks of recovery. The pain. The stress and anxiety. To this day I still am not able to do things I once could. Upward facing dog? Forget about it. That part of me just don’t stretch like it used to. But you know what? I look at that scar and think…I would do it ALL. OVER. AGAIN. and AGAIN. and AGAIN. Just to see these beautiful faces every day.
Have you ever heard someone say, “It’s not about the wedding, it’s about the marriage” ? Well it’s not about the delivery. It’s about the life that comes after it. The life or lives you created.
Momma, remember that you are strong. Just because you weren’t able to push your baby out of you like those other awesome mommas do, doesn’t mean you’re not just as much a champion. And you know what’s cool? We have a scar to look at and remind us of just how awesome we are! I’m blessed to be apart of this community of mommas & I pray for ALL of you!
As always, God Bless †
P.S. Do any of you c-section mommas have a scar tattoo? I’m seriously thinking about getting one in the future & I would love to see yours or hear what you have in the comments! 🙂