People really don’t lie when they describe the difference of their lives before & after kids. It is very different. Your priorities change. Your sleep schedules changes. Your daily routine changes. Your finances change. Basically your whole world is turned upside down because of this tiny little human you made. These are not bad changes, they are all for good I promise. But recently I was talking with some of my girlfriends, specifically, about how much your relationship with your significant other changes after you have kids. All of your time is focused on these little people who you want to raise to be decent human beings. Date nights are a must, of course. But not everyone really has the luxury of having a date night every single week. I started thinking about this, and how much my relationship with my husband has changed over these last 5 years.
I have grown to love this man more than I could’ve ever imagined possible. Everyone talks about not knowing how much you could love until you have a baby. And this is so true on two accounts…your baby and your husband. When you see your man holding that baby for the first time, it’s like “uh, okay I’m ready to make another baby” haha [not really]. I kid, but it’s seriously such a special moment and something I will never be able to forget. Even through all of this love and growth as a couple, it is sometimes hard to set aside time for ourselves and our marriage. I try my hardest every day to do something for my husband. Big or small. Just so he knows I see him, I appreciate him, and I love him so much. Life isn’t perfect & some days pass where I fall short, but I try.
I came up with a little exercise for myself. I thought of somethings that I know I do to show my husband that I love him.
Letting him enjoy time with the kids
Now, when I say this, I don’t mean when I’m like, “Okay baby I need to go to the store, can you watch the kids while I’m out?” No. This is special time. Like for example, my husband and I refer to ourselves as “a team”. We work together on everything. Every night I will unload the dishwasher and he will load it. So, usually after dinner I start to clean off the kids’ placemats and bring everything to the sink. He and the kids will usually start playing while I’m unloading the dishwasher. Not every night, but some nights they do. And they will turn on some music and start jammin’ out. It’s just so sweet to watch. He looks so happy and content. I go ahead and load up the dishwasher so he can have that time. I get to spend all day with the kids while he is at work. I know he misses that time & loves to spend every second he can with our babies. He deserves that time just as much as me. I would never want to take him away from that.
Buy him his favorite snacks/drinks at the store
Every time I go to the grocery store I ask him if he wants/needs anything. He will occasionally need some shaving cream or something essential, but never gives me anything he wants. I always make it a point to get him something there that I know he loves to eat or drink. Then when I bring everything home he gets so happy that I restocked his favorite snacks. It’s the little things 🙂
This might be a hard one at times, but this is the biggest one for me. Anytime I see him doing something around the house- dishes, laundry, hanging up pictures, vacumming, etc. I always try to thank him. Even though most of the things he’s doing should be done around the house anyways, it never hurts to give a little ‘thank you’. I know I always appreciate that! And for other things too like hangin out with the kids while I take a quick shower or go on a run. I’m so grateful to have a husband that is there for me when I need a little break. The least I can do is thank him.
This is one that I love to do and should do more often. When I can sense he’s having a hard day or I walk by a picture of him in the house and start to miss him, I’ll type up a sweet little text and send it to him. And he will do the same for me. It’s such a nice way to express your love and let him know that even through the chaos of the day, he is always on my mind.
After I wrote down these four ways I show my husband I love him, I was curious at what he would say if I asked him the same question. “How do I make you feel loved?” These were his answers…
When I surprise him with his favorite meals
I love do to this. His absolute favorite is beef stroganoff. It sits in the crock pot all day, so when he gets home the house smells so good! I love seeing his face when he walks through the door and takes a big whiff.
Talk him up
This is something I didn’t really notice that I did, but it’s so sweet. He loves when I talk him up to the kids like he’s a superhero. I always tell them, “Daddy is the best!” Because he totally is 🙂
Making him lunch
We are fortunate enough to live close to his work, so he comes home for lunch almost everyday. He will usually call me on his way home and I’ll ask him what he’s hungry for. If I’m not too busy making the kids’ lunches or running behind I love to make his lunch and have it ready. He never asks or expects it, which makes me want to do it for him!
Showing interest in things he loves
The biggest example he gave of this was our annual trips to the NASCAR race. Every year I’ve woken up way too early so we could head out and get a good parking spot to tailgate. Although I enjoy doing this with him every year, this is totally his thing. He is such a die hard fan, & the greatest joy I get out of it is seeing him so happy & excited. He’s seriously like a little kid [or me 🙂] on Christmas morning!
You can use these as ideas to start showing your wife or husband you love them, or I challenge you to try out this exercise with them! It was really cool to see what we both thought of. And it’s a really nice way to think about those little things that happen almost on a daily basis. It helps you to appreciate your spouse more. I would love to hear what y’all came up with & if you share some of things my husband and I thought of! Let me know in the comments 🙂
As always, God bless †